Sitting with the Shit

One of the things Buddhism is very clear on is that there is a lot of shit in the world, and that you have to endure it to come out the other side. There's no special magic words and actions that prevent you from having shit in your life. That's just how it is.

This is not frequently a palatable worldview. We like to think we are somehow special, exempt from the pains and agonies of life, when of course we're not.

I was in a terrible state two days ago and I went to my regular therapist's appointment and I left sad and angry that he couldn't help me. But we have to help ourselves. I know that intellectually, but mentally it's a harder and far more bitter pill to swallow.

I actually had a bit of a tirade in front of my good-natured shrink. He didn't say "hang in there" but so many well-meaning people do and it pisses me off so much. I think I thought he was going to say it, and so I cut him off at the pass. Then I just went off.

Because "hang in there" as an expression, to a suicidal person, is not appropriate. It's like saying "Slit your wrists!" Why don't people see that? I told my husband about the tirade and he defended the innocent people who associate "hang in there" with a 70s poster of a kitten hanging on a wire. I saw his point, and conceded that people do not say it out of malevolence or malice. I know this intellectually. Again, this is an emotional hot button for me personally. "Hang in there" makes me think of a noose, not a good image for someone not in love with life. And it's also just trite as shit.

It just triggers a rage button in me when people tell me, a sometimes suicidal depressive, to "hang in there". So below I've put some other things you can say to someone who is suffering emotionally other than that loathsome phrase.

1. I'm sorry you feel like shit. How can I help?
2. I know you don't believe this now, but things will get better.
3. I'm routing for you.
4. Call me if you need a sympathetic ear.
5. I love you/care for you and I'm thinking of you.

Okay?

So there are some options for you. Namaste.