Balancing Craving

I achieved something today that I feel good about: I went shopping and didn't spend a cent.

First, we were at a store where we'd been essentially given a gift card. No money spent, kept within budget by a tiny margin. Then my generous sister took me to one store with a price ceiling and told me I could get whatever I wanted within that quantity. I did that and stayed under budget as well. It sounds like nothing, but for me, controlling myself in retail environments has been a constant challenge. I feel like I got something special as a treat, but don't feel ashamed and guilty about massively spending or just consuming.

It was an exercise in self-restraint, one that I wouldn't have passed six months ago. But I am feeling more in control of myself, and between the spirit-lifting visits I have just had from family and the meds bump, I am feeling more myself. I feel more energetic, though I still have to pace myself. I feel happy for the first time in ages, which feels like a miracle. It kind of is.

Things in my personal life are shifting in ways that will make me a better person, hopefully able to help as well to be helped. I'm appreciating some opportunities to stretch myself some, and grow as a person. (I hate how cliched that sounded, and I mean it sincerely.)

So that's where we are today.