Changing Thoughts

Feeling pretty depressed today. I blame hormones, the season, my brain chemistry, and old, ingrained habits. Buddha said "What we think, we become" which is bad news for a depressive but good news for someone actively trying to change the way they think.

I'm truly trying to change my brain. Neuroplasticity has proven that it can be done. I push myself to take care of myself even when I don't feel like it, when I'd rather be lying in bed, asleep or unconscious. I take my meds, sit under my lights, exercise, sleep, eat well and try not to overdo things to trigger a manic or depressive episode.

But it ain't easy.

But as I said to my kids, nobody said life is fair. And we all have our burdens to bear. Some are just more visible than others.

Something I learned in intensive therapy was that I am a "What if-er", meaning that I take one situation and cascade it into a great catastrophe full of mishaps and mayhem and drama when all that I initially had was a thought or a question. So I practice now answering "What if?" with "I don't know." It's the not knowing that's hard, but it's key to changing my brain. And Buddhism is pretty clear that you don't know the future, life is ephemeral, and that living in the moment reduces suffering.

So here's to hope and the capacity to change, to be able to make our thoughts work for us instead of letting them dominate our behavior. Here's to living in the moment, whether we like it or not.