It's been awhile. Lots of stuff going on on the emotional level. Investigating mental health care options for my son as well as managing my own. I've come to the conclusion that I like this whole being an adult thing. In the past I have spent too much time acting like a child when it would have made life easier if I had taken a more mature route.
I'm not saying everything I did sucked because I'm a big fat baby. But at times, I've given away my autonomy at the cost of my maturity. I've always done things because other people want me to do them. And I'm not so sure that's how to live a happy, healthy life. It isn't healthy to have "the disease to please" to the extent I do. And many others I know, too.
This is not to say that input from others holds no value. Naturally different people have different concepts of you, which may or may not overlap with your own self concept.
I'm just learning to notice my feelings more and the fact that I am making choices even when I think I'm not. Everything is a choice. And I am the only one who can make choices for myself, ultimately.
This feels like a big discovery to me. Where the hell have I been all these years?
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