It's weird to feel so good these days. It just goes to show how long it's been since I've felt even remotely "normal" or at my baseline for contentment. It is almost shocking to me that I don't feel despair and crippling anxiety. The anxious person in me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I think it already dropped, last year, right around this time of year, in fact.
And this year, at this time, I am on my way up from the abyss. Spring is coming, I'm taking good care of my kids, I'm trying to give my husband a break since he is working so much, and I'm taking care of myself, too.
I guess this relates to Buddhism in that quote "A jug fills drop by drop." Little things make a difference over the long haul. I have been slowly chipping away at my insecurities and issues and I'm coming up with an adult I can be proud to call myself.
In the same vein as the above quote, I've started doing little things every morning to keep the house tidy. If I spend five minutes in every room in the house, it's amazing how much nicer everything looks. And I'm reading "How to Train a Wild Elephant" and it's full of these great exercises, one of which is "Leave no trace." You're to leave no evidence that you've visited a room--bathroom, kitchen, whatever. And then the next challenge is "Leave the room better than when you came in." I really like that philosophy. I'm feeling very spring cleany so this goes a ways to inspire me.
Off to do more puttering.
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