Losing my Identity

I'm in the interesting position of having a lot of free time on my hands while my children visit for two weeks with their grandparents. I have lists of things to do, many of which I probably won't get to, but I'm also realizing that I am stuck, or flummoxed by all of the teaching resources, especially books, that I have.

I don't know what to do with them--put them in the attic? Sell them? Am I ever going to teach preschool again as a lead or co-lead? Do I need all those Vivian Paley books? She's great, but how many do I really need?

I bought so much stuff in my manic phase and now it sits, in perfect condition, on my shelves. I feel guilty and embarrassed by the excess. How best to use it?

If I give away or sell these things, what is that saying about my future career? Am I giving it up? There are certain books that I think I can part with. I mean, how many Reggio Emilia books do you need? But I hate to just give this stuff away when it could be meaningful for someone else I might already know. And, to be honest, I am not ready to let go of this stuff. So many teaching supplies were collected when I was readying for my short-lived stint at the local preschool. I can still use some of them in my work with preschoolers for the arts organization I'm involved in. I'm still working with kids, but in a much more controlled environment. I'm hanging on to my children's picture books because I know I'll use those. But my grad school books? Do I really need them anymore? I feel like I've read enough about early childhood education to merit my degree, even if the program I was in wasn't all that fabulous.

It's just, it's the books. It's my emotional attachment to the books, because if I give them away, am I giving up? I'm so unsure of my future career path, and just don't know anymore what to save and what to send off to benefit others. I have intentions of reading and using these books again...someday. But I don't know when that day will be.

Perhaps the answer lies in putting them aside (in the attic) for one year. And if after one year, I have yet to break them open, bend their spines, highlight or dog ear pages, then maybe it's time to sell or give them away. I think that's the best plan.

Because who knows what the future brings or who I'll be in a year? And do I really need so many books to define myself?

It's going to be an interesting two weeks.