I have an embarrassment of riches right now: time. I want to use it to work on some of my writing. I have three novels in various states of disrepair, and don't know where to start. I'm hoping brainstorming with a friend who's coming over tonight will help me set some goals. I really want to be engaged in something, and my writing is as good a thing as any, at this point in time.
When I look ahead to the next school year, I see myself with teaching artist gigs, which is a good thing. But will it be enough? I feel underutilized and like I'm wasting time, which makes me feel guilty and restless.
My condition is such that I can manage it. So how far into the mainstream can I go? How much of a commitment can I make to outside people? I need to be there for my family, that's priority number one.
So I'm feeling restless and antsy and a bit useless. Surely I can find a writing group or some creative community with which to engage. My doctor suggested the local Shambhala Center, which I'm intimidated to go to, but may need to push myself to try. It would get me out and around like-minded people, and would help me pursue my aspiration of truly being Buddhist. I feel like such a wannabe. I meditate and read and talk, but I'm not really walking the walk.
So maybe it's time to put my money where my mouth is. And go out and do something.
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